soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
