this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
