Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
