I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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