I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
