I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
