It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
