If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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