Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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