Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
