Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
