i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
