this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize