i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
