okay pat passed out under dana's car
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
