I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
