wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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