omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
