I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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