we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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