after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
