I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
