Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize