I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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