My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
