I wish i was in the wii world.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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