Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
