then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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