I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize