he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
