i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
