Having a random hookup so left but love u
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
