You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
