Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
