my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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