I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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