after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
