whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
