I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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