he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
