hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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