it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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