Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
