guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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