oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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