Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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