I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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