Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
