im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
