i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
