so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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