After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
