I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize