If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
