My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
