There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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