I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
