Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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