Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
