Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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