i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
