I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize