theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
