I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
