JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
