I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
