I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
